ERRONEOUS E-MAIL

A man checked into a hotel.
There was a computer in his room,
So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address,
and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile... Somewhere in Houston ,
a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail,
expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.


After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room,
found his mother on the floor,
and saw the computer screen which read:
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To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 18 december 2009



I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They gave computers here,
and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in..
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow

Venkatraman Mukherjee Singh

A man boards a flight from Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a gorgeous

woman boarding the plane.

 

He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right next to his. 

Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks 'Business trip or vacation?'

 

She turns, smiles, and says, 'Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention.'

 

He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist!

Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, 'What's your business role at

this convention?'

 

'Lecturer,' she says, 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'

 

'Really?' he says, swallowing hard. 'What m-m-m-myths are those?'

 

'Well,' she explains, 'one popular myth is that African men are the best endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is

most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, whereas actually it is

the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardar.'

 

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. 'I'm sorry,' she says, 'I shouldn't be discussing

this with you. I don't even know your name!'

 

' Venkatraman !' the man blurts out. ' Venkatraman Mukherjee

! But all my friends call me Joginder Singh !'

GOD & POST OFFICE

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.   The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went.  A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office. Sincerely, Edna

 

DOCTOR & 3 PATIENTS

One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him, "OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies, "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said, "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible What the hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients did. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

SUCCESS OF MARRIAGE

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.

They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.

 

Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".  

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: 

 

"We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.

 

Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses.

 

My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. 

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.

 

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time".

 

She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.

 

This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued.

 

When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !! 

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you  crazy?" .. 

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."  

Husband:"That' s it. We are happy ever after."

POP UP MENU

Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.

Customer: 'OK'.

Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.

Customer: 'No'.

Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'

Customer: 'No'.

Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.

Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.

STYLE

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.

Samsung Electronics

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.

Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning.
Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'


Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.

Counselling

A husband and wife came for counselling after 20 years of marriage.When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time,the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?" The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf."

Shiny Jokes!!!

Q: Whats Shiney Ahuja's

fav song ?

A: Maid in India !

Q: What kind of disorder does Shiney have ?

A: Bai-polar disorder

Q: What is Shiney Ahuja's fav mode of transportation?

A: Bai-cycle

Q: What kind of food does shiney like?

A: Home Maid !

Q: Who is Shiney's fav football player ?

A: Bai Chung Bhutia

Q: What is Shiney Ahuja's fav subject?

A: Bai-ology

Q: In cricket, what way does Shiney get most of his runs

from?

A: Leg-Bai-es.

Q: Which Song did Shiney sing with N'Sync

A: Bai Bai Bai !

Q: What is Shiney's fav Enrique Iglesias song?

A: Bai-lamos

Shiney Ahuja took the 'Where in Mumbai should you

live' Facebook quiz, it said he should live in the

suburb of Bai-culla.

Q: Why was Shiney Ahuja picked by the Ministry of External

Affairs for a official foreign trip?

A: Because he is bai-lingual.

Q: What did Shiney Ahuja say to the police?

A: Let the bai-gones be bai-gones. Let me go home

Q: Why did Shiney Ahuja rush into the doctors dispensary?

A: Because the doctors sign-board said Bai-pass surgeon.

Q: Why was Shiney Ahuja shooed away by the guards outside a

public event?

A: Because it said Bai-standers not allowed.

Q: Why did Shiney Ahuja hop on Virar-express train ?

A: Because it stops at Bai-andar station.

Q: Why did Shiney Ahuja want to be in the governing body of

an organization?

A: Because he wanted to pass a new bai-law

Q: Why does shiney Ahuja like horror movies ?

A: Because he can see Bai-yanak scenes

Q: What type of code did Shiney Ahuja write when he was a

programmer?

A: Bai-nari code

Q: Why does Shiney Ahuja like the Chinese?

A: Because he heard the slogan 'Hindi-Cheeni

bai-bai'