HAVE A NICE DAY!!!!

A lady walks into a Lexus dealership and browses. Suddenly she spots the most perfect, beautiful car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escapes her.

Very embarrassed, she anxiously looks around to see if anyone has noticed and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. But, as she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman.

With a pleasant smile he greets her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiles back and asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

Still smiling pleasantly, he replies, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are gonna shit yourself when you hear the price."

RACISM

Racism... A fantastic incident.. Worth reading..

This scene took place on a British Airways flight between Johannesburg, South Africa & London ...A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man.

Very disturbed by this, she called the air hostess. 'You obviously do not see it then?' she asked. 'You placed me next to a black man. I did not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group.. Give me an alternative seat.'

'Be calm please,' the hostess replied.'Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available.'

The hostess went away & then came back a few minutes later.'Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in Economy Class.I spoke to the captain & he informed me that there is also no seat in Business Class. All the same, we still have one place in First Class.'Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued.

'It is not usual for our company to permit someone from Economy Class to sit in First Class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting.'

The Hostess turned to the black guy, & said, 'Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First Class..'

At that moment, the other passengers, who'd been shocked by what they had just witnessed, stood up & applauded.

This is a true story. If you are against racism, please send this to all your friends; please do not delete it without sending it to at least 1 person.

WELL DONE, British Airways!!

CRAZZZZZZZY FACTS

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

DAMN IT !!!!!

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.(30 minutes..lucky  pig! Can you imagine? I still am not over it!)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm...... )

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

( I know some people like that)

Starfish have no brains

(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure

(What about that pig??)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to,maybe even a chuckle.

In other words, send it to everyone !

(and By God I love that pig!!!)

MARRIAGE

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.

You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

Man: Is there any way for long life?

Dr: Get married.

Man: Will it help?

Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight 

begins!

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? 

Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.

It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as

women and then he turns them into Wives !

 

A man, who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest. A man who 

surrenders when not Sure, is Wise. A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.

If u r married please ignore this msg, for everyone else: Happy 

Independence Day

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about

something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic

banking. It's called marriage

Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai?

Take vo Marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare aur agar 

Nark jaye to homely feel kare..

Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ?

To tell each other affectionately. .. Sweetheart U R Dead!

Different Phases of a man:

After engagement: Superman

After Marriage: Gentleman

After 10 years: Watchman

After 20 years: Doberman

There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of

Women'?

Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?

Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

  

LOVE & MARRIAGE

The student asks a teacher: What is love? 

The teacher said: in order to answer your question, go to the paddy field and choose the biggest paddy and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn  back to pick. 

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big  paddy, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later. Then he  saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one  waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the paddy field, he start to  realize that the paddy is not as big as the previous one he saw, he  know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted. So, he ended up  went back to the teacher with empty hand. 

The teacher told him, this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person

 The student asked: What is marriage then?

 The teacher said: In order to answer your question, go to the corn  field and choose the biggest corn and come back.

 But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to  repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he fee satisfied, and came back to the teacher. 

The teacher told him, this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... this is marriage.

ONE LINERS

1.  Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

 

2.  Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

 

3.  Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

 

4.  I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

 

5.  A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

 

6.  Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

 

7.  Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

 

8.  You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

 

9.  Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

 

10.  Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

 

11.  Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

 

12.  My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

 

13.  Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

 

14.  Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

 

15.  A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

 

16. You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

 

17   It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

 

18. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

 

19. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

 

20.  Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

 

21. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

 

22. Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

 

23. Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? 
       Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

 

24. It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

 

25. There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

 

27. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

MARKETING MANTRA!!!

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and say: "I am very rich. 
"Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing..."

---

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a 
gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and 
pointing at you says: "He's very rich. 
"Marry him." -That's Advertising..."

---

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and get her telephone number. The next day, you 
call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. 
"Marry me - That's Telemarketing..."

---

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up 
and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour 
her a drink, you open the door (of the car)"Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations..."

---

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks 
up to you and says:"You are very rich! 
"Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition..."

---

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you 
a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback..."

---

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she 
introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap..."

---

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to 
her and before you say anything, another person come 
and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she 
goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share..."

---

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You  go up to 
her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your 
wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets..."

100 Years to realise!!

1. The first testicular guard was used in cricket in 1874, whereas the first helmet was used in 1974.

2. It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important!

Why BOYS need supervision ?

thanks pelia sir!

What if we follow FORWARDs?

1. I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past few years. Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of what's left of my heart for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. 

2. Because of your concern...I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. 

3. I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine. 

4. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. 

5. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. 

6. I no longer use margarine because it's one molecule away from being plastic. 

7. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. 

8. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. 

9. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan . 

10. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. 

11. I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. 

12. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

13. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. 

14. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. 

15. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time). 

16. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. 

17. Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! 

18. I will now return the favor.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhoea will crap on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in- law's 8th husband's 2nd cousin's 3rd husband's ex-wife's mother's beautician! 

BEST TOI CARTOONS!!!

LITTLE NAUGHTY JHONY SERIES

Little Johnny's at it again..... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!' 

      *     *      *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *   ;   * 

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Didn't it work?' 

       *     *     *     *     *      *    *     *     *     *     * 

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 

'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'<> 

          *           *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     * 

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.  'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him...'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?' 

        *     *     *     *     *     *      *     *     *     *     * 

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with < /SPAN>his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom'.....oops!  

The Other Side

I am sure you have seen this before.

But have you ever wondered   What's on the other side!  

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