LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat pat, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea....'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?

One liners

1. I say no to alcohol,
It just doesn't listen.

2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

5. When everything comes in your way
You're in the wrong lane.

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train..

7. Born free,
Taxed to death.

8. Everyone has a photographic memory,
Some just don't have film..

9. Life is unsure;
Always eat your dessert first.

10. Smile,
It makes people wonder what you are thinking.

11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground,
You'll have trouble putting on your pants.

12. It's not hard to meet expenses,
They are everywhere.

13. I love being a writer...
What I can't stand is the paperwork.

14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot.
The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

17. In a country of free speech,
Why are there phone bills?

18. If you cannot change your mind,
Are you sure you have one?

19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush,
Leave work at noon!

20. If you can't convince them,
Confuse them.

21. It's not the fall that kills you.
It's the sudden stop at the end.

22. I couldn't repair your brakes,
So, I made your horn louder!

23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass.

24. The cigarette does the smoking,
You are just the sucker.

25. Someday is not a day of the week.

26. Whenever I find the key to success,
Someone changes the lock.

27. To Err is human,
To forgive is not a company policy.

28. The road to success....
Is always under construction.

29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems,
But, if you think again, neither does milk.

30. In order to get a loan,
You first need to prove that you don't need it.

31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else.

Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days

A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US . It was sent by one of the daughters.

The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,

I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT .

Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese,

10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.

On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.

Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.

Just distribute the rest among yourselves.

The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.

The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist.

Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.

The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews.

Please distribute all these fairly.

PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days

Alcohol Trouble Shooting

BEWARE of these side effects of Alcohol & Take necessary care!!

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.

Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).

Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.

Cause: You're lying on the floor.

Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.

Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.

Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.

4. Symptom: The floor is moving.

Cause: You're being dragged away.

Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.

5. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.

Cause: You're in an ambulance.

Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

GOOD ONES!!!

Sardar: I haven’t slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn’t you exchange?
Sardar: Oye, there was nobody 2 exchange in the lower berth...

* * *

A teacher lecturing on population –
In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up - we must find & stop her!

* * *

Sardar-why are all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar- If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?

* * *

Sardar had twins; he named them Tin Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
Again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again the same. Disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!

* * *

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "You will go to jail".

* * *

Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Sardar: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

* * *

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why? Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

* * *

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It’s already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

* * *

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
Arrey yaar, what ever you order first will come first.

* * *

Sardar wins Rs.20 crores from Rs.20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 crores after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me Rs.20 crores or else return my Rs.20 back!

* * *

Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet
Sardar:- Why did you come so far. Instead u could have posted it....

* * *

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge asked: How'll you divide, you’ve3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

* * *

Sardar's wish: When I die, I wanna die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..

* * *

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror!

* * *

Flash news: A 2-seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..