GURMUKH & BUSH

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

'Hello, Mr. Bush!' a heavily accented voice said, 'This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!'

'Well, Gurmukh,' Bush replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army'

'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight'


Bush paused. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Arrey O! Main kya..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

'Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh' Bush asked.

'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.'

Bush sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.'

'Oh teri....' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

'Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne.... .. We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!'

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!'

'Tera bhala hove....' said Gurmuk, 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

'Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Bush. 'Why the sudden change of heart'

'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!'

The good old Santa Singh

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.

One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Santa Singh, when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - Hurry ! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"

So Santa Singh scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, Santa tried to blend in as best he could.

After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"

Another runner moved alongside him. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"

"Oh , yes" Santa answered breathlessly.
"That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, " Do you always wear a condom when you run? "

"Nope..... Just when it's raining".

And who said Santa did not have presence of mind !

POWER CUT

GOOD ONES!!!

Sardar: I haven’t slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn’t you exchange?
Sardar: Oye, there was nobody 2 exchange in the lower berth...

* * *

A teacher lecturing on population –
In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up - we must find & stop her!

* * *

Sardar-why are all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar- If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?

* * *

Sardar had twins; he named them Tin Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
Again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again the same. Disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!

* * *

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "You will go to jail".

* * *

Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Sardar: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

* * *

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why? Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

* * *

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It’s already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

* * *

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
Arrey yaar, what ever you order first will come first.

* * *

Sardar wins Rs.20 crores from Rs.20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 crores after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me Rs.20 crores or else return my Rs.20 back!

* * *

Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet
Sardar:- Why did you come so far. Instead u could have posted it....

* * *

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge asked: How'll you divide, you’ve3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

* * *

Sardar's wish: When I die, I wanna die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..

* * *

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror!

* * *

Flash news: A 2-seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..