Counselling

A husband and wife came for counselling after 20 years of marriage.When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time,the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?" The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf."

GOOD ONES!!!

Sardar: I haven’t slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn’t you exchange?
Sardar: Oye, there was nobody 2 exchange in the lower berth...

* * *

A teacher lecturing on population –
In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up - we must find & stop her!

* * *

Sardar-why are all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar- If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?

* * *

Sardar had twins; he named them Tin Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
Again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again the same. Disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!

* * *

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "You will go to jail".

* * *

Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Sardar: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

* * *

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why? Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

* * *

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It’s already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

* * *

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
Arrey yaar, what ever you order first will come first.

* * *

Sardar wins Rs.20 crores from Rs.20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 crores after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me Rs.20 crores or else return my Rs.20 back!

* * *

Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet
Sardar:- Why did you come so far. Instead u could have posted it....

* * *

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge asked: How'll you divide, you’ve3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

* * *

Sardar's wish: When I die, I wanna die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..

* * *

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror!

* * *

Flash news: A 2-seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

R U A ARMY OFFICER!!!

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor and said, "Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period". Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board. Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you Doctor: But, I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings. Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you ... Doctor: I can not treat you, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal. Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first: Doctor: OK. Tell me. Man: I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night. I get up in the morning like a horse I go to work running like a deer I work all the day like a donkey I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday. I wag my tail in front of all my bosses I play with my children like a monkey if I get time. I am like a rabbit before my wife Doctor: are you an army officer?

Shiny Jokes!!!

Q: Whats Shiney Ahuja's

fav song ?

A: Maid in India !

Q: What kind of disorder does Shiney have ?

A: Bai-polar disorder

Q: What is Shiney Ahuja's fav mode of transportation?

A: Bai-cycle

Q: What kind of food does shiney like?

A: Home Maid !

Q: Who is Shiney's fav football player ?

A: Bai Chung Bhutia

Q: What is Shiney Ahuja's fav subject?

A: Bai-ology

Q: In cricket, what way does Shiney get most of his runs

from?

A: Leg-Bai-es.

Q: Which Song did Shiney sing with N'Sync

A: Bai Bai Bai !

Q: What is Shiney's fav Enrique Iglesias song?

A: Bai-lamos

Shiney Ahuja took the 'Where in Mumbai should you

live' Facebook quiz, it said he should live in the

suburb of Bai-culla.

Q: Why was Shiney Ahuja picked by the Ministry of External

Affairs for a official foreign trip?

A: Because he is bai-lingual.

Q: What did Shiney Ahuja say to the police?

A: Let the bai-gones be bai-gones. Let me go home

Q: Why did Shiney Ahuja rush into the doctors dispensary?

A: Because the doctors sign-board said Bai-pass surgeon.

Q: Why was Shiney Ahuja shooed away by the guards outside a

public event?

A: Because it said Bai-standers not allowed.

Q: Why did Shiney Ahuja hop on Virar-express train ?

A: Because it stops at Bai-andar station.

Q: Why did Shiney Ahuja want to be in the governing body of

an organization?

A: Because he wanted to pass a new bai-law

Q: Why does shiney Ahuja like horror movies ?

A: Because he can see Bai-yanak scenes

Q: What type of code did Shiney Ahuja write when he was a

programmer?

A: Bai-nari code

Q: Why does Shiney Ahuja like the Chinese?

A: Because he heard the slogan 'Hindi-Cheeni

bai-bai'

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

Santa singh is the best

Sardar ji is in a Quiz Contest trying to win prize money of Rs.1 crore.

The questions are as follows:

1) How long was the 100 yr war?

A) 116

B) 99

C) 100

D) 150

Sardar says "I will skip this"

2) In which country are the Panama hats made?

A) BRASIL

B) CHILE

C) PANAMA

D) EQUADOR

Sardar asks for help from the University students

3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution

A) JANUARY

B) SEPTEMBER

C) OCTOBER

D) NOVEMBER

Sardar asks for help from general public

4) Which of these was King George VI first name?

A) EDER

B) ALBERT

C) GEORGE

D) MANOEL

Sardar asks for lucky cards

5) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on

which animal:

A) CANARY BIRD

B) KANGAROO

C) PUPPY

D) RAT

Sardar gives up.

NOW SCROLL DOWN.......

.

.

If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below:

1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453

2) The Panama hat is made in Equador

3) The October revolution is celebrated in November

4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.

5) Puppy.. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of

the puppies..

Now tell me who's the dumb one....Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again..

On behalf of,

Manmohan Singh, PM, India

GRANDPAA!!!

There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table. When Grandpa wasn't looking, his mischievous teenaged grandchildren put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink. After a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom. When he returned, his trousers were wet all over.

'What happened, Grandpa?' asked his concerned grand children.

'Well,' he answered, 'I don't really know. I had to go to the bathroom. So I took it out and started to pee, but then I noticed it wasn't mine, so I put it back!'

MARRIAGE ADVICE THEN & NOW

Every Mom's advice to her son......... ..

1960's Mom to her son- beta, apne caste ki ladki se hi shaadi karna

1970's...... ......... ........... .. Apne religion ki
ladki se hi shaadi karna

1980's ............. ......... .... Apne level ki
ladki se hi shaadi karna

1990's ............ ......... .... Apne desh ki
ladki se hi shaadi karna

2000 ............ ........... .... Apni umar ki
ladki se hi shaadi karna
.
.
.
2009 ............. ......... ...... Koi bhi ho, par LADKI se hi karna....... ....... !!!