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Friday, November 6, 2009

THE BLIND MAN!!!

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop; with them are their 8 children…
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her
eight children are able to fit in the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.

After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of
the blind man and says to him,
'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that
ticking sound is driving me crazy!!
The blind man replies:
'If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in
the bus! So shut up and keep walking!!!!'

Issued in Public Interest by Ministry of Family Welfare...!! !!!!!!!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Venkatraman Mukherjee Singh

A man boards a flight from Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a gorgeous
woman boarding the plane.
 
He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right next to his. 
Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks 'Business trip or vacation?'
 
She turns, smiles, and says, 'Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention.'
 
He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist!
Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, 'What's your business role at
this convention?'
 
'Lecturer,' she says, 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
 
'Really?' he says, swallowing hard. 'What m-m-m-myths are those?'
 
'Well,' she explains, 'one popular myth is that African men are the best endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is
most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, whereas actually it is
the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardar.'
 
Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. 'I'm sorry,' she says, 'I shouldn't be discussing
this with you. I don't even know your name!'
 
' Venkatraman !' the man blurts out. ' Venkatraman Mukherjee
! But all my friends call me Joginder Singh !'

Monday, October 12, 2009

MURPHY LAWs

Murphy's Laws
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. 

To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

The road to success??.. Is always under construction.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

 

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else. 

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
 
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
 
If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

 You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

 As soon as you mention something.. if it is good, it is taken.. If it is bad, it happens.

 He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.

If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.


Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.

If you have paper, you don't have a pen... If you have a pen, you don't have paper... if you have both, no one calls.

Especially for engg. Students---- 
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.

After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together ,and the bus which you get in will be more crowded than the other.

If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.

Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker    

Saturday, October 10, 2009

If Columbus had been married?

If Columbus had been married, he might never have discovered America because of the following ...


*   Where are you going?
*   With whom?
*   Why?
*   How are you going?
*   To discover what?
*   Why you?
*   What do I do, when you are not here?
*   Can I come with you ?
*   Coming back when?
*   Dinner ghar par hi khaoge?
*   Mere liye kya laoge?
*   It seems you deliberately made this ....
*   Don't lie....
*   Why r u making such programs
*   You seem to be making a lot of such programs
*   Why?
*   I want to go to my parents place
*   I want you to come and leave me
*   I don't want to come back....
*   I will never come back....
*   Why are u not stopping me....
*   I don't understand what is this discovery chakker?
*   You always do like this.....
*   Last time also u did like this....
*   Now a day's u always seem to do like this....
*   I still don't understand what else is balance to be discovered..


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

GOD & POST OFFICE

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.


One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address.

He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

 

The letter read:

Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse.

It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner.

Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.

Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers.

Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna

and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

 A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,


How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.

We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely, Edna