Venkatraman Mukherjee Singh

A man boards a flight from Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a gorgeous

woman boarding the plane.

 

He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right next to his. 

Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks 'Business trip or vacation?'

 

She turns, smiles, and says, 'Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention.'

 

He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist!

Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, 'What's your business role at

this convention?'

 

'Lecturer,' she says, 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'

 

'Really?' he says, swallowing hard. 'What m-m-m-myths are those?'

 

'Well,' she explains, 'one popular myth is that African men are the best endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is

most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, whereas actually it is

the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardar.'

 

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. 'I'm sorry,' she says, 'I shouldn't be discussing

this with you. I don't even know your name!'

 

' Venkatraman !' the man blurts out. ' Venkatraman Mukherjee

! But all my friends call me Joginder Singh !'

MURPHY LAWs

Murphy's Laws

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. 

To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

The road to success??.. Is always under construction.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

 

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else. 

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

 

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.

 

If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

 You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

 As soon as you mention something.. if it is good, it is taken.. If it is bad, it happens.

 He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.

If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.

Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.

If you have paper, you don't have a pen... If you have a pen, you don't have paper... if you have both, no one calls.

Especially for engg. Students---- 

If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.

After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together ,and the bus which you get in will be more crowded than the other.

If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.

Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker    

If Columbus had been married?

If Columbus had been married, he might never have discovered America because of the following ...

*   Where are you going?
*   With whom?
*   Why?
*   How are you going?
*   To discover what?
*   Why you?
*   What do I do, when you are not here?
*   Can I come with you ?
*   Coming back when?
*   Dinner ghar par hi khaoge?
*   Mere liye kya laoge?
*   It seems you deliberately made this ....
*   Don't lie....
*   Why r u making such programs
*   You seem to be making a lot of such programs
*   Why?
*   I want to go to my parents place
*   I want you to come and leave me
*   I don't want to come back....
*   I will never come back....
*   Why are u not stopping me....
*   I don't understand what is this discovery chakker?
*   You always do like this.....
*   Last time also u did like this....
*   Now a day's u always seem to do like this....
*   I still don't understand what else is balance to be discovered..

GOD & POST OFFICE

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.   The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went.  A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office. Sincerely, Edna

 

POSITIVE APPROACH

DOCTOR & 3 PATIENTS

One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him, "OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies, "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said, "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible What the hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients did. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

VALUE TIME & FRIENDS & DEAR ONEs

 An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,

'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!'

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.

'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'

She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up. 


The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming forour anniversary and paying their own airfare!!'

MORAL:

No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.

The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.

OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE