WIFE CONTROL!!!

God comes and says :-

"I want the men to form two queues, one line for the men who had control over their women, and the other one for the men who were controlled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk.

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines. The line for the men who were controlled by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who had control over their women there is only one man. God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all controlled by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!" "Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replies,

"I don't know, my wife told me to stand here.

WISDOM

1. When I was married 25 years, i took a look at my wife one day and said, "honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car,slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white tv,but i got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde."Now we have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, nice big bed and plasma screen tv,but i'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman.it seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

2. Wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out & find a hot 25-year-old blonde,and sh e would make sure that i would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white tv.

IQ TEST

Test for IQ

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly.. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately . OK? 

Let's find out just how clever you really are.... 

Ready? GO!!! 

First Question: 

Y ou are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in? 

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are

absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second! 

Try not to screw up next time. 

Now answer the second question,

but don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ? 

Second Question: 

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person? 

You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question: 

Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only .

Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. 

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 .

Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 

Now add 10 . What is the total? 

Answer:

Did you get 5000 ? 

The correct answer is actually 4100. 

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!

Today is definitely not your day, is it? 

Maybe you'll get the last question right....

...Maybe. 

Fourth Question: 

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the ! name of the fifth daughter? 

Did you Answer Nunu? 

NO! Of course it isn't. 

Her name is Mary. Read the question again! 

Okay, now the bonus round: 

  

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. 

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants? 

He just has to open his mouth and ask...It's really very simple.... Like you!

SUPER FAN

Bob receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when he arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium - he's closer to the Goodyear blimp than the field. 

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field, right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. 

As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" 

The man says no. 

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?"

The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been at together since we got married in 1967." 

"Well, that's really sad," says Bob, " but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?" 

"No," the man replies,   

"they're all at the funeral!!"

10 NATIONAL LEADERS IN THIS TREE!!!!!!

Computer Maniac's Wedding Card

Santa in Paris

Santa, furniture dealer decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a new range of furniture that he thought would sell well back home in India .

To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a pub and have a glass of wine. As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned towards the chair.

He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Hindi, Punjabi & English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.

They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed. Would you believe....

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Till this day, Santa has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture business!!!! !

Vanilla Ice Cream that puzzled General motors!!!!

An Interesting Story

Never underestimate your Clients' Complaint, no matter how funny it might seem!

This is a real story that happened between the customer of General Motors and its Customer-Care Executive. Pls read on.....

A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:

'This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of Ice-Cream for dessert after dinner each night, but the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem.....

You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds "What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?" The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an Engineer to check it out anyway.

The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.

The Engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.

Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: He jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth etc.

In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor.

Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Eureka - Time was now the problem - not the vanilla ice cream!!!! The engineer quickly came up with the answer: "vapor lock".

It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor lock to dissipate.

Even crazy looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be simple only when we find the solution, with cool thinking_,_._,___

SURVIVING RECESSION

Chicago area (city or suburb) Guju couple, Rohit bhai and

Manibhen, both well into their 30's, go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

Gujubhai says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse? Need your feedback!"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is also amazed that the couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."

He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them $50 and says goodbye.

The next week, however, the Guju couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leaves.

Finally, after five or six weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"

Gujubhai says, "We're not trying to find out anything.

She's married, and we can't go to her house.

I'm married, and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98.

The Hilton charges $139.

We do it here for $50, and ... I get $43 back from Medicare."

MASTER JEE FAINTS!!!!!!!

In a remote village of India, once Masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the ‘Krishna janma’ part of it.

Masterji : “Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister’s 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning… Second one is born and Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born…

Ramu: I have a doubt (sounding nervous and confused).

Masterji: “Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata then how come you have one?”

Ramu: Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki’s 8th child was going to kill him, “Why the hell did he put Vasudev and Devaki in the same cell?”

Masterji fainted.